Millie is a hardworking mom. She has a demanding
full-time job as a head nurse in a local nursing home, a husband who travels for work at least half of every week, two teenage children, and her beloved dog. For years she has always felt like she could juggle her responsibilities and handle her tasks and projects.
But lately, her TO DO list seemed
never-ending and she didn't have the energy she had 10 years ago. She found herself physically and mentally exhausted by the end of most days.
After a long day at work recently, Millie arrived home to a pile of laundry waiting to be done and a sink of dirty dishes...even though she handled both of
these chores last night.
Plus, her dog was anxiously awaiting his daily walk. She loved how he greeted her, with his tail wagging and so happy to see her, which allowed her to relax a bit. Still, she felt overwhelmed and burnt out. She knew that something had to change.
While walking her dog, Millie realized that she had been neglecting her own needs and was putting everyone else's needs before hers. She was not prioritizing self-care which was taking a toll on her physical and emotional health. She also recognized that she was not asking for help and this was causing her to feel even more
overwhelmed.
Millie decided to take a step back and evaluate her situation. She considered the recent stressors, the pile of laundry and the sink of dirty dishes. Her kids were clearly old enough to help with laundry and wash the dishes.
She also knew the kids wouldn't think of doing so on their own. After all, she has been doing everything for years for them...so that's what they were used to doing. But just because that is the way these tasks have always been done, did not mean it was too late to change.
She rounded her kids up, shared how she was feeling, and expressed her need for support. First, she told the kids that they would now be responsible for putting their dishes, utensils, etc. into the dishwasher when they were done eating. When they lightly complained, Millie explained that it had to be a family effort, not a one-woman show. She told them that their helping out
would be associated with their cell phone privileges. No help = no phone.
She also spoke to them about laundry, first about how to ensure they didn't generate more laundry than necessary, second about how to properly sort laundry into the laundry sorter, and third about how to run a load. Each teen
became responsible for running one load a day on an alternating basis.
It took some daily nudging for a few weeks, as well as one teen having to relinquish his phone on one of those days, for this new system to begin working like a charm. But at the end of about eight days, the kids were handling
these two tasks consistently and without nagging. Millie had an immediate sense of relief when she came home from work going forward.
Millie also spoke to her husband. She understood how little time he had with all of his business travel, so she really didn't want to ask him for help. Plus, he kept
his things pretty much in order when he was home. Still, he told her he would take charge of planning and making dinner one day a week to help relieve some of her workload...and so she could do something relaxing with that extra time.
She then spoke with her boss and requested a more flexible
schedule that would allow her to have more time for herself and her family. Unfortunately, her boss didn't have a whole lot of room for flexibility, but he did agree to hire one more person on her staff to help out with the workload at work.
Millie then began to make small self-improvement changes
in her life, like prioritizing her health. She decided she was going to bed too late, so she started turning in 30 minutes earlier than normal. She also decided to begin using the exercise equipment she had at home for 20 minutes each night, followed by 10 minutes of gentle stretching.
Yesterday
when her neighbor Elle, who was sitting on her porch, waved to Millie, Millie actually made a point of stopping by and chatting with
Elle...something Millie would have never done in the past knowing that her TO DO list was waiting for her.
As Millie made these improvements, she began to feel more energized and focused. She was able to be more present with her family and enjoy the little moments that she had been missing before.
She learned that it was not only okay, but absolutely necessary, to prioritize her own needs and ask for help.
While Millie is still working on improving various areas in her life, she definitely now feels less stress, more balance, and has a newfound
appreciation for not taking on everything herself.
