GON Reader Question
Regarding your November 6th newsletter about saying no, people can be pretty rude when you say no and often demand reasons why you are saying no (and of course your reasons are never good enough in their view). How do you handle such rudeness without becoming defensive or having it turn into an ugly confrontation?
Thanks. -- Diane
Response from Maria
Hi Diane,
Thank you for reaching out. It's unfortunate that some individuals respond with rudeness and insist on knowing reasons
behind a refusal.
When faced with such situations, maintaining composure and staying firm yet respectful can be key.
Here are a few strategies you might find helpful:
1. Stay Calm and Collected: Respond with a calm and steady demeanor. Avoid getting emotional or defensive. The other person may be out of control...but breathe deep and keep your cool no matter what.
2. Use Neutral Language: Keep your language neutral and objective. Avoid personal attacks. Stick to the facts and your own feelings.
3. Be Clear and Concise:
Clearly communicate your decision without over-explaining. You're entitled to set boundaries, and it's okay to say no without providing specifics or a laundry list of reasons. Something like, "I know you really need someone to help out and I do hope you get that help, but that someone can't be me. I appreciate you asking though."
4. Express Empathy: Acknowledge the other person's feelings without necessarily agreeing with them. Phrases like "I understand this might be disappointing for you" show empathy without compromising your stance.
5. Offer an Alternative (If Appropriate): If possible,
suggest an alternative course of action that might be more acceptable to the other person. This can demonstrate your willingness to find solutions.
6. Establish Boundaries: Politely but firmly establish your boundaries. Let the person know that your decision is final and that you appreciate their
understanding.
7. Redirect the Conversation: If the conversation becomes unproductive or confrontational, redirect. You might say something like, "I'd prefer not to dwell on this issue. Is there something else we can discuss?"
Remember, setting boundaries is a healthy practice, and you're not obligated to justify every decision. Stay true to your needs and values while maintaining respect for others.
I hope
these suggestions prove helpful in navigating such situations.
