GON Reader Question
Hi Maria,
I've always been an organized person and, lately I've become more of a minimalist. My wife has always been a bit
disorganized and lately it feels like she is more disorganized than ever before.
It bothered me in the past, but now I feel like this is having a negative impact on our relationship. I love her so much, but this is a problem in my mind. It's beginning to cause some
arguments.
Do you have steps we can both take to get us on the same page?
-- Kyle, Sarasota Springs, NY
Response from Maria Gracia
Hi Kyle,
Thank you for writing. It sounds like it's time for you and your wife to sit down and have a heart-to-heart
conversation. Hopefully, in doing so you can both bridge this gap and foster a more harmonious living environment.
The older we get, the less patience we sometimes have. Be cognizant of that. Take a deep breath and approach this in a loving, solution-focused manner.
1. Open Communication: Start by having an honest and open conversation about your feelings and concerns. Avoid blame and criticism, and focus on expressing your emotions and desires calmly.
Instead of saying, "You never
clean up your mess," try, "I feel stressed when things are left out because I like our space to be tidy. Can we talk about how to manage this better together?"
2. Understanding Each Other's Perspectives: Take the time to understand each other's viewpoints regarding organization and minimalism. Recognize that both of
you have different preferences and priorities when it comes to your living space.
Perhaps your wife values sentimental items and enjoys having them around, while you prefer a clutter-free environment. Discuss these differences openly to find a balance.
3. Set Mutual Goals and Compromise: Work together to establish shared goals for your home environment. Discuss what aspects of organization are most important to both of you and prioritize accordingly.
For instance, decide together that the
living room will be a clutter-free zone because it's a shared space, but each of you can have your own space (like a home office or craft room) where you can organize as you please.
4. Declutter Together: Make decluttering a joint effort by setting aside dedicated time to go through belongings together. Encourage each
other to let go of items that no longer serve a purpose or bring joy.
Schedule a "declutter day" once a month during which you both tackle one area of the house. Make it fun by rewarding yourselves with a nice dinner afterward.
5. Establish Routines: Create routines and systems that support organization in your daily lives. This could include implementing a regular cleaning schedule, establishing designated storage areas, and practicing habits like putting things back where they belong.
You might establish a 10-minute nightly routine where both of you tidy up the living room and kitchen before bed, making the space feel more organized in the morning.
6. Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate small victories along the way. Recognize the effort that both of you are
putting in to improve your living environment and strengthen your relationship.
7. Be Patient and Flexible: Change takes time, so be patient with each other as you navigate this process together. Stay flexible and willing to adjust your approach as needed to find what works best for both of
you.
For instance, if a particular organizational system isn’t working, be open to trying a new one. Maybe the shared calendar app, for instance, isn’t as effective as a physical calendar on the fridge.
8. Focus on the Positive: Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and the progress you're making together. Remember that while organization is important, it's ultimately just one aspect of your life as a couple.
Regularly remind each other of the reasons you appreciate each other.
Perhaps start a gratitude journal where you both write down things you’re thankful for, including efforts made toward organization.
By approaching the issue with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to compromise, you can work together to create a home environment that reflects both of your values and strengthens your bond as
partners.
If you get to the point where either one of you feel like the strain on your relationship is significant, consider seeking the guidance of a couples therapist who can provide personalized strategies and support.
Keep me posted and wishing you both a resolution on this and much happiness to follow.
P.S. On a somewhat related note, if you're hoping for a little (or a lot) more happiness in your life, check out
my Happy For Life resource! 
