A GON Reader Asks

I so very much enjoy your newsletter and thank you for addressing my personal quandary as well as for sharing my recent tip.

I now have encountered another situation, putting it mildly.

I recently visited my sister since she has retired and has more down time. Lo and behold, in preparation for her retirement and obvious reduction in income, unbeknownst to me, she has spent the last three years prior to retirement buying everything she envisioned that she would need or use in retirement, she paid off all debt, bought and paid for a new car, replaced all of her major appliances, had her HVAC upgraded, etc.

She never mentioned this over-buying to fulfill her dreams to me, so imagine my shock.

I would have at least suggested perhaps plain dinnerware, not holiday specific, nor seasonal specific items, and suggested fresh greenery or flowers for occasions, not bulky decorative pieces that are season-specific. She's got one very small storage room in the garage of her condo packed to the hilt with treasured items and seasonal bedding and towels.

She has always envisioned entertaining more, baking, cooking, decorating, etc. and in the past three years, has bought tons of items to support her vision. She paid cash for these post-retirement items, and is not in debt, but holy cow, her home has absolutely no storage for these dishes, appliances, linens, decorations, etc.

These boxes are slowly being unpacked as I type because she saved them until her retirement. She can't give away enough stuff to make room for them and unless she moves, she's now too overcrowded in her small home to entertain. She does not want to sell or donate her new items for this new chapter of her life and has asked me, of all people, what she should do. Her family all lives out of state and she has envisioned everyone coming to her home for extended stays and holidays since she was not home much during her career.

I want to support her dreams, but unless she rents a storage facility, I see no way out. She tells me that she cannot afford to rent storage and cannot have a shed on her property.

Please help. This is a lose-lose situation, with either money or dreams.

--Concerned Sister, USA

Maria Gracia Responds

Dear Concerned Sister,

I can certainly understand why you are concerned about the situation. I can only imagine your surprise in seeing the amount of items your sister has accumulated in anticipation of her retirement...especially when this is the time she should be downsizing, not upsizing.

First of all, breathe. It is my thinking that people tend to be either over- prepared or under-prepared for their retirement. In this case, I would say that your sister falls into the over-prepared category. This is definitely the better of the two positions to be in. Having too much is always better than struggling with not having enough, and I think this is probably the mindset your sister had while making all of her purchases.

The home improvements that she invested in, such as the new appliances and the HVAC upgrades, were not necessarily a poor decision. These are things that generally do not need to be replaced that often, so the fact that she has done that now probably means that she should be set for a while. The same can be said for the new car. A newer car generally means less time in the shop as all of the mechanics are new. It sounds as if she wanted to avoid all of the possible problems and worry that can come with an older vehicle. Not a bad plan.

As far as all of the other things go, it does sound like she could use some help. If the storage area is as packed as you described it, it is very possible that even SHE doesn't remember what she all has in there, and now going through it all will surely be a huge undertaking for her. It is possible that, as she starts finally going through the storage area, she may begin to realize that she overshot her mark by buying more things than she will actually have a use for.

Be supportive. She obviously had a plan in mind when she started all this.

Unfortunately, at some point, it took on a life of its own. Offer up some help for a day. Maybe show up with some large plastic bins and see if you can't convince her to have only one bin for each set of holiday decorations, and anything that doesn't fit can be donated to someone in need who will actually use it. With the things for the kitchen, see if you can't trade out the new pans and such for the ones that she already has in her kitchen. That way she can enjoy the new ones that she's already spent the money on instead of having them sit unused in a storage area.

If, by chance, there is room in her condo, you could help her shop for a buffet type cabinet that has room for storage underneath. A friend of mine recently purchased one and now uses it to hold her extra dishes, glasses, and tablecloths. It has drawers which holds her extra silverware, and also provides a place for her to put floral arrangements and such.

Also, take a look in her closets and see if the space that she does have available is being used to its full potential. Often, closet space can be better utilized by adding shelves, cubes, or other organizational tools. A small pantry with just a few shelves can suddenly have more storage space by adding another few premade shelves or cubes to the mix. She may also consider investing in some under-the-bed storage bins. These are good for holding extra linens or blankets that she doesn't use every day, and because they are under the bed they are out of eyesight.

Hopefully, as the unpacking continues, she will realize that she overdid things and may become more open to donating some of the items. Be patient with her. Retirement is a major life event. She may just need some time to adjust.

You mentioned only that she doesn't have room for entertaining. You might try reasoning with her that, once she has used up all storage possibilities, the only other options that you can see are a) moving to a larger space or b) getting rid of some of her possessions. Otherwise, entertaining in her home is not really practical for her or her visitors. If, however, you're beginning to see a 'safety issue,' (like she has so many boxes in her home that she has to climb over them to just get around), it's at that point that further help, perhaps a family intervention with professionals present, may be the route to take.

I would highly recommend AGAINST a storage facility, even if she could afford it. I usually only recommend those to folks who are moving in the near future and are using it as a temporary holding facility. People who are not in this situation tend to keep their belongings in storage for years, allowing it all to catch dust (so to speak) and invade their wallets for years.

It sounds like you've already offered suggestions to your sister, and your sister has dismissed those suggestions so far. So, there's only so much you can do, but continue to be the good sister that you're being. Continue to gently offer your ideas, definitely encourage her to 'let go' of the surplus, and offer her storage ideas within her home. As time goes on, she may begin to feel cramped in her quarters, and may even take some of your suggestions..especially if you tell her that you only have her best interests, hopes, and dreams at heart, which you obviously do.

Thanks for writing in,

Maria Gracia

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