A GON Reader Asks

Hi Maria,

I have been following you for many years, via your newsletters and Facebook. I saw a post on Lucky Orange Pants's Facebook page and wanted to know if you have suggestions for keeping track of all this mom stuff. Thank you for all you do,

Christy Reineck

P.S. Here is the post I'm referring to...

I am the keeper.

I am the keeper of schedules. Of practices, games, and lessons. Of projects, parties, and dinners. Of appointments and homework assignments.

I am the keeper of information. Who needs food five minutes before a meltdown occurs and who needs space when he gets angry. Whether there are clean clothes, whether bills are paid, and whether we are out of milk.

I am the keeper of solutions. Of bandaids and sewing kits and snacks in my purse. But also of emotional balms and metaphorical security blankets.

I am the keeper of preferences. Of likes and dislikes. Of nightly rituals and food aversions.

I am the keeper of reminders. To be kind, to pick up their trash, to do their dishes, to help with their homework, to hold open doors and write thank you notes.

I am the keeper of rituals and memories. Of pumpkin patches and Easter egg hunts. I am the taker of pictures, the collector of special ornaments, and the writer of letters.

I am the keeper of emotional security. The repository of comfort, the navigator of bad moods, the holder of secrets and the soother of fears.

I am the keeper of the peace. The mediator of fights, the arbiter of disputes, the facilitator of language, the handler of differing personalities.

I am the keeper of worry. Theirs and my own.

I am the keeper of the good and the bad, the big and the small, the beautiful and the hard.

Most of the time, the weight of these things I keep resembles the upper elements on the periodic table - lighter than air, buoying me with a sense of purpose.

But sometimes the weight of the things I keep pulls me down below the surface until I am kicking and struggling to break the surface and gasping for breath.

Because these things I keep are constantly flickering in the back of my brain, waiting to be forgotten. They scatter my thoughts and keep me awake long past my bedtime.

Because all these things I keep are invisible, intangible. They go unnoticed and unacknowledged until they are missed. They are not graded or peer reviewed or ruled on by a court. And sometimes they are taken for granted.

My husband and my boys are kind and generous and they love me hard. And this is by far the greatest job I have ever had. But sometimes being the Keeper is exhausting. Because you feel like you're doing it alone.

So to all of you who are keepers, I see you.

I know the weight of the things you keep.

I know the invisible work you do, which doesn't come with a pay check or sick leave, and makes the world go round.

I see you.

And I salute you.

Maria Gracia Responds

Christy,

First, thank you for following me! It is a pleasure to hear from you. Us moms do have a lot to keep up with and being 'the Keeper' is a very poetic way to think about everything we have to keep up with for sure. That being said, it's very easy to put 'the weight of the world on our shoulders.' If you notice this happening, remember, as moms, we're there to love our kids and to help guide them in the right direction. Sometimes as a mom, this means stepping back a bit, asking others (spouse, family members, friends) for help, and taking a deep breath and some time to take care of ourselves.

Let's look at a couple of ways to 'keep up' with some mom-normal responsibilities.

1. Keeper of Schedules: Whether you have one child or several, keeping up with sports practices, dance performances, doctor's appointments, music lessons, big school projects, travel tournaments, or party invitations doesn't have to be a nightmare. Sharing a family calendar, like the Apple or Google Calendar can be helpful. Although you would be the 'keeper' of the calendar, if your kids are old enough, they can add their own schedules, helping to lighten your load. Just be sure to share calendars, so everyone can stay updated. If you are a 'paper person,' just print the digital calendar and post in a common space. Additionally, a great tip is to assign each family member a color, this makes it easier to separate everyone's appointments. If you'd rather use an app, family calendar apps, like Cozi, are very helpful and simple to use.

Keeper of Preferences: The saying that 'no two kids are alike' is an understatement. If keeping up with everyone's likes and dislikes, fears, nightly routines, food aversions, security or insecurities is a challenge to you, try using the app Wunderlist. There is a free version available and you can set up lists to categorize or set up lists by kid. This would also be a great resource for keeping gift ideas throughout the year, so birthday and graduation shopping doesn't sneak up on you unexpectedly.

Keeper of Reminders: If you don't want to use your family calendar, using an app like Hub Family Organizer will help you share TO DO lists and assign chores like taking out the trash, doing dishes, homework or writing thank you notes. This would be the perfect place to integrate manner lessons, practicing an instrument, or vacation preparations. If you want something interactive for the whole family to have in your common space, buy a frame from the Dollar Store, print out a list to put inside, and keep a dry-erase marker nearby. This is a simple and fun way to check off chores and keep up with reoccurring TO DOs.

Keeper of the Peace: When it comes to deflating fights, disputes and personality differences within a family unit, it is important to create an environment that allows family members of varying ages and personalities to flourish. For younger kids, create a space with a white board to draw and express themselves and/or to release energy. For everyone, I highly recommend the importance of regulating clutter...together. Disorganized spaces over-stimulate already busy minds, make it more difficult to relax, create anxiety and guilt, and a messy home can create embarrassment. That being said, don't stress when a mess occurs (which is inevitable in most families, especially those with kids). Instead, divide cleaning tasks and conquer together as a family unit.

In general, keep your 'command center' (the kitchen for many families) and entry way and/or mud room organized. If everyone knows where things go and everything stays in its place, there will be less opportunity for quarrels when coming home or when leaving the house.

Lastly, try to keep fresh flowers and live plants around the house (unless you have allergies, of course), create designated no-phone zones, play relaxing music, and keep things within reach. These will help you create and maintain a less-stressful environment that will help you keep the peace...and make life a whole lot easier on 'The Keeper' and the family.

I hope these suggestions are helpful, Christy!

Maria

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Warmly,

Maria Gracia
Get Organized Now!

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