A GON Reader Asks:

Hi Maria,

I have a family member who is planning on retiring and, in the interim, is buying everything and anything from the home shopping channels while she still has her income coming in.

Bottom line is, her home looks like a warehouse. She doesn't even unpack the boxes, thinking that she will do this upon her retirement and that she will purge her office clothes and create the home she envisions as her retirement space.

I'm afraid that she has spent money needlessly and that her vision is not practical.

She lives in a different state from me, but last year and this year, it has gotten worse. What's a sister-in-law to do? She can afford what she is stockpiling, but in my opinion, might be better served to have saved the money spent on creating her future chapter of her life. I'm afraid that since she has put so much emphasis on things, she may be sorry.

She even purchased appliances...even though her current ones are not broken. I asked her what gave her this idea and she said that a previous coworker was replacing, one-by-one, the major appliances in her home before she retired so that she would have dependable appliances upon her retirement. I think my sister-in-law has taken this too far. Help!

This fabulous GON reader 'Ask Maria' question was submitted by:

Debbie in Maryland

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Maria Gracia responds:

Hi Debbie,

Thank you for your question. I can definitely appreciate your concern with your sister-in-law. Her current spending patterns and accumulation of material goods, from what you've described, sounds excessive. Is your brother (your sister-in- law's husband) still living and, if so, does he seem to be concerned? Are there others in your family who are concerned?

I'm asking because this is sounding like a 'hoarding' issue, which is not solved simply by telling her to stop buying or to start getting rid of possessions. Some people actually have a medical condition called 'Hoarding Disorder' and this particular situation sounds like it may be the case.

According to the Mayo Clinic, signs and symptoms of hoarding disorder may include:

1. Excessively acquiring items that are not needed or for which there's no space

2. Persistent difficulty throwing out or parting with your things, regardless of actual value

3. Feeling a need to save these items, and being upset by the thought of discarding them

4. Building up of clutter to the point where rooms become unusable

5. Having a tendency toward indecisiveness, perfectionism, avoidance, procrastination, and problems with planning and organizing

Approximately 3% to 5% of the U.S. population has a hoarding disorder.

Has your sister-in-law displayed, in your mind, similar types of hoarding challenges in the past, or is this a new thing? Her prospect of retiring may be bringing this on. She may be thinking, 'Now that I'm retiring, what am I going to do with my life?'

Has anyone in the family, besides you, approached your sister-in-law directly about this or also stated perceived reasons for concern? It's possible they haven't... not because they don't care, but they often think, 'this is none of my businesses' while the problems get worse down the line.

She may, or may not be willing to talk about this, and really, if she's not perceiving any of this to be an issue, and she's not in any sort of real danger, you will probably not be able to do much at this point. It's her money and she can do what she pleases with it...even if it's turning her home into a warehouse of sorts.

That being said, if you feel your sister-in-law's accumulation is becoming, or is, a safety hazard (to her or others around her), this is usually grounds for taking steps to getting her the help she needs...not from a professional organizer, but rather from a mental health professional or a social worker. You can contact the local government where your sister-in-law lives to determine if they have further assistance available for hoarding issues.

I know this is difficult to watch, especially when it's someone you care about. Hugs,

Maria

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