A GON Reader Asks

Hi Maria,

I struggle with wanting to work on huge demanding tasks. I am self employed performing bookkeeping, accounting, payroll, sales tax, and income tax returns for small business owners.

Since my breakup from a relationship with a narcissist, I have been unmotivated and have gotten behind in my client work. He made comments that weren't supportive of me or my business and just wanted to have fun all the time when I had work to do. He had two teenagers that I was helping him with.

Before this relationship, I had no problem working many hours and not feeling guilty that life was passing me by. Now, I work only on things that have a deadline or on work to get paid. My mindset is on working part-time with getting the same results as if working full-time. Unfortunately, I want to have fun and not work so hard in my business. I do not have the budget to hire someone to help.

How can I get back into enjoying working in my business without feeling the pain of all the work I need to get done. I have fallen off mentally. This is not me or who I am.

I feel like I wasted my time on being self-employed with no benefits or retirement. However, I do not like working for corporate America as that is not secure either. I may have flexibility, but is it really worth it or is it that I have not been running my business the right way so that I can benefit from it the way I should be able to?

This Reader Question was submitted by:

--Lorrie Huseman


Maria Gracia responds...

Hi Lorrie,

First, congratulations on getting out of what sounds like a relationship that definitely wasn't right for you. That takes a lot of courage and strength. You seem to have a lot of insight into how your life and business are going as well.

The ending of a relationship is like getting over an illness. We need time to get all of our energy back and our lives on track. It sounds, however, like you are ready.

We all have occasions when we struggle with just not wanting to do something, whether it is a big work project or cleaning out the garage. Sometimes, however, the only thing you can do is just do it. Arrange your jobs according to priority, when they are due, and how long you expect them to take. Mark the time on your calendar. Set mini goals...and set and enjoy rewards along the way to celebrate each mini-goal you reach.

Instead of working long hours every day, set a limit. If you were in an office, you might have a nine to five job...8 hours. Set a limit of six or eight hours a day to work...and schedule in at least an hour a day of YOU time...time for you to relax and regroup. Do you work on weekends? If so, perhaps designate the first few hours of those days for work, and the rest for personal time.

What is your workspace like? Is it messy? Make things tidy. Maybe it would help to change things up a bit...some new desk accessories or even new wall color, perhaps? What might you do to make the space inviting? Don't use this as a way to procrastinate though.

You have valid concerns about retirement and benefits. Do you have health insurance? Do you put money into IRAs or other accounts for retirement? Consider talking to a financial advisor.

Running one's own business isn't for everyone...and it's not easy. Most businesses do not run themselves...and they require your time, energy, continued education, heart, and soul. It's definitely time for some self-evaluation to determine how you can change what you're doing to reach your dream of working half the time, for the same income you've been getting for working full-time. This is generally only achieved with a change in the way you do things...by hiring help, by improving your marketing, and/or by automating. As Albert Einstein once said, 'If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.'

Don't dismiss possibilities. You said you can't afford to hire someone. Is that really true? Can you hire someone who is retired, perhaps, for just a few hours a day. Can you charge your clients just a little more to help pay an hourly wage for a helper? If someone was helping you, you can most likely take on more clients than you can currently handle by yourself. Besides, if you are the only person doing everything, what happens if you fall ill, or want to take a 3-day break? If your income comes to a halt when you're not working, that's not a sustainable business model.

While you feel you prefer working for yourself, after some soul-searching, you may decide a regular job brings in the money you need...and you may like it.

As for being secure, success in running one's own business isn't certain. Working for corporate America isn't certain. In fact, what you could count on in most situations is that nothing is really certain. That's why it's important to have emergency back-up plans in mind...and the motivation and fortitude to press on when needed.

What can you do in your free time that you would enjoy, to give you some uplift? Maybe start a walking routine. Find a group, perhaps at a church, to participate in. Many people find work less burdensome when they know they have something to look forward to after work or on weekends.

You may be feeling depressed as well as overwhelmed. Sometimes a few sessions with a counselor, someone who can help give us some perspective, is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

I hope some of these suggestions will appeal to you. I believe you are going to work this out and I hope you will let me know how things go. Just the fact that you're asking these questions is a great start.

--Maria

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