Decluttering can be a tough enough job when you agree, at least mostly, on what should stay and what should go. But what if you disagree on most things? How do you work that out?

Robert liked flea markets. Odds and ends that people sold were fascinating to him. In fact, he found them so fascinating that he frequently bought things and brought them home. Anything from steering wheel covers to rope baskets.

Robert's wife, Millie, was less than thrilled by his finds. She managed to relegate most of the car supplies he brought home to the garage. When she asked what they would possibly want with the rope basket, Robert replied, 'I don't know, maybe put magazines or something in it.' Reminding him they already had a nice container for magazines, he countered with, 'But it is so colorful, surely we can use it somewhere.'

On the other hand, Robert could not understand why Millie had a whole closet full of sewing and craft supplies. 'Do you really use that many colors of embroidery thread?' He would ask. 'Why do you keep all those craft magazines? Could you ever find a particular project in one if you wanted to?' Millie admitted he might be right about the magazines, but she did not want to throw them out. There were also kitchen items she never used but was reluctant to get rid of.

Then came the point at which they decided to downsize. Robert said he thought he had some shirts he had not worn much since he retired, and maybe a few books, and some gardening supplies. He suggested Millie get rid of at least half the stuff in her craft closet and a bunch of pots and pans that he did not think she ever used. When she suggested he might get rid of a bunch of car stuff and tools in the garage he never used, his response was, 'But I might need them one day.'

Robert and Millie stared at each other for a minute, then decided to go out for lunch, to neutral territory where they could talk about the objects that were important to each of them and why.

First, they listed the things they agreed on that would go to their new home with them - most of the furniture, favorite decorations, clothes. Then they considered, room by room, what was really important to one or the other to keep. They talked about why some other things felt important. Robert had a fear of giving up something and then having to rebuy it, even if the object had been sitting in the garage for the last eight years, gathering dust. Millie understood and added that she had kept things, like sewing patterns and craft magazines, 'just in case' she wanted to make something. However, she admitted there probably were not that many things she would truly do.

And so they came home and began to clean out. It was not easy or always smooth sailing. They realized each could only deal with the job for a limited amount of time before it got overwhelming, and they started keeping things. But as they worked on it over the next few weeks, there were changes. And by the time they moved into their new, smaller home, most things fit. Did Richard get rid of everything Millie thought he should? No. Did Millie discard all the craft or cooking supplies Robert thought she should? No. But each got rid of a lot. However, they also understood that each needed a certain amount of their own 'personal treasure,' and respected that need.

Obviously, you do not have to be planning to downsize to discuss the reduction of clutter. I think the takeaway from Robert and Millie's experience is both parties need to be openminded about their own things, and respectful of the things of others. They might consider why they keep certain things, and if they are genuinely likely to use them. Probably if they really needed something one day, they could replace it. Going to neutral territory to discuss the issue was a good place to begin for this couple. They could relax and consider together what changes and compromises each could make, and in the end, each was satisfied with how much they kept and how much they cleared out.

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'I decided to break the trend of accumulating stuff sooner rather than later. I moved to smaller homes ahead of my need. I downsized before I was forced to do so. I sorted and dispersed my things while I had the energy and the ability to either donate or sell my stuff.' --Lisa J. Shultz

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Maria Gracia
Get Organized Now!

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