A GON Reader Asks

Hi Maria,

My 14-year old son's room is an organizing nightmare. I'm not sure if you remember Oscar Madison from The Odd Couple, but that would give you a pretty good picture of what's happening on the other side of my son's door...including the tons of clothes he just throws on the floor and the occasional, partial, old, crusty sandwich I find in his room.

He's busy with school and such, but also spends a lot of time on his devices... video games on the TV and hanging out with his friends in person and on his phone. I feel bad taking these away from him because, except for this challenge, he's a good kid who gets good grades. And sometimes I think to myself, I'm his mom...I should be taking care of him.

BUT, it takes me forever to clean his room (I work all week, including Saturdays, so I only have nights and Sundays to handle it)...and it's kind of gross at times. What are your thoughts on this?

This Reader Question was submitted by:

--Natalie M., Modesto, CA


Maria Gracia responds...

Hi Natalie,

I used to watch The Odd Couple on TV, so I have a good visual of what your son's room probably looks like. Here are my thoughts:

1) I'm very glad to hear your son's grades are good and that he's a good kid. This means getting this problem solved should be fairly easy...and it gives you a lot to be proud of.

2) The love that you have for your son doesn't translate into being his unpaid housekeeper. While I know it may seem you're helping him by handling this job all by yourself, this is going to exhaust you (you're already working all week long), and it won't do him...or his future college roommates...or his future wife and kids...any good later.

3) If your son has time to play video games, be on his phone, and hang out with his friends, he definitely has ample time to clean his room. All those fun activities you mentioned can be earned as rewards. I would recommend you have him clean for 15 minutes a day after school before he can turn on the TV, use his phone, or hang out with his friends. Keeping it to 15 minutes is asking very little, is doable, and should not end up in too much resistance after the first few days you enforce it.

4) A 14-year old may not have a clear idea of what 'cleaning his room' means, so I would give him clear goals...one for each day...like:

--Pick up all your dirty laundry and put each item in the hamper
--Vacuum your floor
--Take the sheets off your bed and bring them to the laundry room.
--Fill a bag with clothes that no longer fit or you don't like.
etc.

5) This is not to say your son is going to clean his room without being reminded. I have a 16-year old daughter...and she needs to be reminded as well. But the way I see it is, everyone in a home is responsible for that home and the cleaning required to keep it nice (and free of critters...which a forgotten sandwich could attract.)

It's very clear you have a good kid...and that you're a good mom. With these little tweaks, you'll be happier, and your son will be practicing responsibility now and for the future.

Hope this helps!

--Maria

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Maria Gracia
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